"People are gonna say the target is on our back, but I hope it’s right on our forehead in between our eyes. I hope I can see the red dot."
By Conor Ryan
Joe Mazzulla has only been head coach of the Boston Celtics for two seasons.
But the hyper-focused and often blunt basketball coach has already delivered decades worth of headline-stealing quotes and viral musings while fielding questions from the media.
The 2024 NBA champion already set the tone for the upcoming 2024-25 season on Monday, stressing that Boston isn’t focused on pressure amid their title defense because, as the 36-year-old coach put it, “we’re all going to be dead soon.”
Add in his obsession with the Ben-Affleck-directed flick “The Town,” relishing in the pain of tearing his meniscus, and harping on killer whales, and Mazzulla’s pressers and interviews have now become appointment viewing in the NBA.
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With the 2024-25 Celtics set to tip off on Tuesday (and with more Mazzulla soundbites inevitably on the way), here’s a look back at 30 of Mazzulla’s best quotes since taking over as Boston’s head coach.
- “People are gonna say the target is on our back, but I hope it’s right on our forehead in between our eyes. I hope I can see the red dot,” Mazzulla said when asked on the “Locked On Celtics Podcast” about teams targeting Boston as the reigning champs.
- “I wouldn’t say I enjoyed the offseason. I enjoyed the parade. I thought the parade was a rather intense experience.” — Joe Mazzulla on his summer.
- “Before I forget, no one’s ever asked me what my favorite scene from ‘The Town’ was. I know you guys all know that’s my favorite movie, but no one’s ever been curious about what my favorite scene is? … My favorite one is Doug MacRay is getting ready to leave town, and he skips by the FBI’s car and leaves a nice, well-thought-out handwritten note underneath the antenna, and then gets out of town. That’s my favorite scene.” — Mazzulla on “The Town.”
- “Zero, feel zero difference. And I think if you’re ever lucky to do again, when it does feel different — that’s when I’d rather not do it anymore.” — Mazzulla on whether the 2024-25 season feels different after winning a championship.
- “If we ever decided to rob Fenway, I was like, ‘We could probably really get away with this.’ How could you not go to Fenway and think you couldn’t rob it?” — Mazzulla on visiting Fenway Park after watching “The Town.”
- “We’re all going to be dead soon, and it really doesn’t matter anymore, so there’s zero pressure.” — Mazzulla on the pressure facing the 2024-25 Celtics.
- “That will never happen if you don’t run back on defense, rebound, execute, and get to your spacing. That’s the most important thing.” — Mazzulla when asked before Game 5 of the NBA Finals about joining the ranks of other legendary coaches in Boston.
- “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph? … I’m only familiar with one royal family. I don’t know too much about that one.” — Mazzulla when asked about being in the presence of Prince William and Kate Middleton during a Celtics game in November 2022.
- “I’m always up to get knocked out.” — Mazzulla after Charles Barkley said he would have “knocked the hell out of him” for blocking opposing players’ shots during a timeout.
- “I wonder how many of those have been Christian coaches?” — Mazzulla when asked of the significance of the 2024 NBA Finals featuring two black head coaches.
- “Nobody cares.” — Mazzulla’s response to Derrick White after the Celtics guard congratulated him for winning NBA Coach of the Month earlier in the 2023-24 season.
- “Clearly winning is not important, huh? Winning’s not valuable.” — Mazzulla on Kristaps Porzingis and Derrick White getting snubbed in All-Star voting in February.
- “The animal kingdom is the most pure form of hierarchy and role definition that there is.” — Mazzulla when asked why he includes analogies about animals in his messages to the team.
- “I still do it. Highly recommend it.” — Mazzulla on if he sleeps with his mouth taped shut.
- “It’s beautiful.” — Mazzulla on no Celtics players being named as finalists for NBA awards during the 2023-24 season.
- “Stop fouling.” — Mazzulla’s message to the Celtics after getting into foul trouble in a playoff game against the 76ers in May 2023.
- “Ever seen “Spider-Man”? … “Into the Spider-Verse”? There’s like, 20 different Spider-Men? That’s like our team.” — Mazzulla on the versatility on the 2023-24 Celtics roster.
- “We’re either gonna win or we’re not, and 40 years from now, none of you are invited to my funeral and that’s it.” — Mazzulla on why the media doesn’t affect him in his job.
- “I was kind of excited about the whole situation. So I enjoyed watching it.” — Mazzulla on the on-court scuffle between the Celtics and Heat during Game 1 of their playoff series in April.
- “I would just go until I die.” — Mazzulla on running a marathon.
- “It was a great experience for me.” — Joe Mazzulla on tearing the meniscus in his knee during the 2023-24 season.
- “We’re watching the scene where Batman goes into the interrogation room with Joker and they’re talking and Batman’s like ‘Why do you want to kill me? And like the Joker starts laughing. “He’s like, ‘I don’t want to kill you. He’s like, I need you. You complete me.’ And it was like the coolest moment. Like good and evil has to coexist.” — Mazzulla on “The Dark Knight.”
- “I saw his face……….And then after that, I saw just his poise.” — Mazzulla on what he saw from Jaylen Brown after he removed his protective mask in April 2023.
- “Aren’t we all in someone’s eyes? We’re all villains in someone’s eyes.” — Mazzulla on Kyrie Irving being labeled as a villain in Boston.
- “There’s no fouls in a war. You either die or you don’t.” — Sam Hauser on his favorite Mazzulla quote.
- “It’s beautiful. You should get booed. To me, it’s the ultimate compliment.” — Mazzulla on getting booed by Celtics fans.
- “I am the worst coach ever.” — Mazzulla leaving a Zoom conference call with the media in May 2023.
- “If you’ve ever been in a fight with someone and you think you’re about to beat them, you usually get sucker-punched. The closer you are to beating them up, the closer you are to losing.” — Mazzulla on the Celtics being up 2-0 in the 2024 NBA Finals.
- “Unless they changed the light bulbs in the arena, they won’t be any brighter than they were last series.” — Mazzulla on the bright lights of playing in the NBA Finals.
- Everybody wants to win until it’s really time to win. And then you have to nut up and do a lot of [expletive] that you don’t want to do.” — Mazzulla on the Celtics’ mindset during the playoffs.
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Conor Ryan
Sports Writer
Conor Ryan is a staff writer covering the Bruins, Celtics, Patriots, and Red Sox for Boston.com, a role he has held since 2023.
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